Snapshots
by SqueakyTheDuck
Summary: "So...Ellen looked after me." A series of one-shots exploring Neal's childhood.
1. Three - Are You Ready for This?

**A/N: Since watching the fourth season, I've developed an inexplicable fascination with Ellen—particularly Young!Ellen, as portrayed by the wonderfully talented and sadly underrated Sprague Grayden. This will be a series of short stories, all about the ways Ellen looked after Neal when he was growing up.**

* * *

The sun had gone down hours ago. The small waiting room of the U.S. Marshals' D.C. office was illuminated by the dim, warm glow of the lamps that adorned the four corners of the room. It was nearly empty, save for three people.

Kathryn Hill sat pensively, her elbows propped on the arms of the chair, her chin resting on her laced fingers as she watched the toddler in front of her happily playing with his toy cars on the floor. Poor Neal was so little, so innocent, and completely unaware of the tragedy that had befallen his family. Lately, every time he had asked where his daddy was, his mother had told him that James had gone to fight bad guys somewhere far away and that he would be back soon. Kathryn knew the lie wouldn't hold up for much longer.

Her eyes drifted upward, across the room, where Anna Bennett was pacing anxiously. Anna had not, Kathryn noted with concern, been herself since James' arrest. Of course shock, anger, and heartbreak, among other things, were completely normal responses after what they had gone through. But not like this. It was like Anna wasn't even there anymore.

Kathryn sent up a silent prayer for Neal, hoping against hope that the Marshals would place her close to the Bennetts in WitSec, because if Anna didn't snap out of this soon, Neal was gonna need somebody to look after him.

She glanced down again. On the carpet at her feet, Neal yawned and rubbed his eyes. It was way past his bedtime. Abandoning his toys, the three-year-old climbed into Kathryn's lap and laid his head on her chest.

She smiled at him. "Hey buddy. You gettin' sleepy?"

"Mm-mm," he murmured with a small shake of his head, his drooping eyelids betraying his denial. Five minutes later he was fast asleep.

The sight of him, sleeping peacefully, exhausted from a long day, nearly broke Kathryn's heart. This sweet little boy's whole world was about to be turned upside down, and he had no idea. She wrapped her arms around him and held him close, stroking his dark hair as tears began to form in her eyes.

She thought back to the video message she had recorded for him the previous day, and the promise she had made reverberated inside her head. _I will do everything I can to keep you safe._

Anna silently walked over to them and sat down beside Kathryn. She reached over and slid her hand into her son's. The sleeping boy reflexively closed his fingers around hers.

They sat there for several long moments before Kathryn finally broke the silence.

"What are we gonna tell him?"

Anna shook her head numbly. "I don't—I don't want to think about it."

"Well we _need_ to think about it." Kathryn's tone sharpened slightly, just enough to get Anna's attention. "He's gonna keep asking where his daddy is. What are we gonna say? And as he gets older, he'll start asking questions about when he was a baby. He'll want to see pictures—most of the pictures in his baby book have his name written underneath. How are we going to explain why he's got a different name now?"

Anna gave a tired, frustrated sigh. "All right. Um...for starters, I don't think we should tell him we're in Witness Protection. As soon as the Marshals give us our WitSec identities, we'll start calling him by his new name. And we can move all of his baby pictures to a different album. He's young enough right now that he might not remember his birth name in a few years."

"Why don't you want him to know?" Kathryn asked.

"He's too little to understand why it's so important to keep it secret." Anna said. "He might let something slip to a classmate or a teacher. They'd ask questions...it could complicate things."

Kathryn pursed her lips, hesitant, then finally nodded. "That makes sense. But we should tell him when he's older."

"We can tell him his real name when he turns eighteen." Anna agreed. She took a deep breath. "But I don't want him to know the truth about James—ever."

"Anna—" Kathryn started to object.

"I don't want my son growing up knowing that his father was a murderer!" Anna's whispered exclamation carried a tremor, and she quickly brushed a stray tear from her eyes before it could escape.

"So what, then?" Kathryn frowned. "You're gonna lie to him?"

"It's for his own good." Anna said defensively. "I'll...I'll tell him James died a hero—taking down a bunch of bad guys. A little boy shouldn't have to grow up with the burden of knowing his father was a criminal."

"And if he asks _me_ about it?" Kathryn murmured. "If he wants to hear me tell the story?"

"You'll tell him the same thing."

"I can't lie to him." Kathryn shook her head.

Anna met her friend's eyes. "Kathy...you know you're family. And you know I absolutely want you to be with us in WitSec. But I _have_ to ask you to respect my wishes on this. _Please._"

Kathryn drew a deep breath. "All right. I will. But it's up to you to make up the details. And I'm not lying to him unless it's necessary; if he asks me what happened to James, I'll corroborate your story, but that's _all_ I'll do. If he gets curious about why I won't go into detail, I'll tell him that I don't like to talk about it because the memory is too painful. That part at least will be true."

"All right." Anna nodded. "I can work with that. It wouldn't be fair of me to ask anything more than that from you."

Across the room, the door to the back offices swung open, and a uniformed Marshal stepped out, holding two manila envelopes. He walked towards them and handed one to Anna. "These are the new identities we've given you and your son. And this—" he handed the other envelope to Kathryn "—is yours."

Anna slid her fingernail under the flap to break the seal, and pulled out a few of the papers inside, "Rebecca Brooks." She read her new name aloud, then sifted through the papers to find the name they had given her son. "And...Daniel Brooks."

Kathryn loosened her hold on Neal—no, she thought, _Daniel_—so she could open her own envelope. "Ellen Parker."

"We've got a car waiting outside to take you to a hotel for the night." The Marshal informed them. "Tomorrow morning you'll be flown out to St. Louis, Missouri."

Anna's eyes shifted to Kathryn. "_All _of us?"

The Marshal nodded and pointed to one of the papers. "If you look at the addresses there, you'll see that you've been placed in a suburb a few miles outside of the downtown area. And you—" he turned to Kathryn. "—will be right next door."

Kathryn's eyes lit up. "That's wonderful. Thank you."

The usually stoic Marshal smiled. "Everyone here loves you guys. Go on. They're waiting for you out there."

Anna rose from her chair and bent down to collect the scattered toy cars on the floor. Kathryn hefted the sleeping Neal and stood up, and the two women locked eyes, their expressions turning suddenly somber.

"Are you ready for this...Rebecca?"

"As much as I'll ever be." They started walking towards the door. "Let's go, Ellen."


	2. Four - Look at That Cloud

"I think that's everything." Rebecca checked off the last thing on the list, then slid it across the kitchen counter. "Will you double check?"

Ellen studied the paper and glanced over her shoulder at the pile of decorations on the table behind her. "We don't have party hats. I can go pick some up at the dollar store."

When she didn't get a response, Ellen looked up to find Rebecca staring out the window.

"Hey," Ellen said. "Party hats?"

"The last time we were doing this," Rebecca said absently, motioning to the decorations. "James was here."

"Becca...hey, look at me." Ellen put a hand on her friend's arm and kept it there until Rebecca tore her gaze away from the window and met her eyes. "Please don't do this to yourself. Danny needs his mom to be here for him today."

Rebecca took a deep breath and nodded slowly. "You're right. I'm sorry. This last year has just been..." she trailed off.

"I know." Ellen said gently.

Rebecca straightened her shoulders and made for the table. "We should...we should get this stuff set up."

"Yeah..." Ellen eyed her friend warily, unnerved at how frequent these episodes were becoming.

Most of the time when Rebecca started to space out, Ellen could talk her through it and bring her back. But it was getting harder and harder to do that, and Ellen feared it wouldn't be long before Rebecca lost her grip completely.

An excited yell sounded from the top of the stairs as Danny came bounding down, disheveled brown hair and rumpled pajamas suggesting that he had just gotten out of bed. Small bare feet thumped loudly on the carpet as he tore across the living room and into the kitchen. "Ellen!" he yelled.

"Hey there, big boy!" Ellen caught him up and gave him a tight hug. Suddenly she found herself flashing back to this day last year, when Danny was still Neal, and it was his third birthday, and he was running into his father's arms—

She pushed the thought to the back of her mind. That was the past, and there was nothing she could do to get it back. This was here and now. The best thing she could do was focus on making this day special for Danny.

A glance across the table told her that Rebecca had just had the same flashback, and she wasn't handling it so well.

_One thing at a time. _Ellen thought. _Focus on Danny first._

She turned her attention back to the boy in her arms. "And how old are you today?"

"I'm FOUR!" Danny grinned, holding up the appropriate number of fingers.

"That's _right_." Ellen tapped his nose, and he giggled. "Now, how would you like to go to the store with me?"

"Yeah!" Danny nodded eagerly.

"All right," Ellen set him down. "Go get dressed and we'll go."

"Okay!" Danny ran back towards the stairs.

When he was gone, Ellen turned to face Rebecca. "I know what you were just thinking about. Don't."

"It's _all_ I can think about." Rebecca said.

"Think about Danny." Ellen coaxed her. "It's his birthday. Let's make it a good one."

Rebecca began picking up supplies off the table. "I'll start getting things set up while you and Danny are at the store." She gave Ellen a small smile. "Thank you. For...for keeping me on track."

The younger woman returned the smile. "We're all getting through this together, Becca. One day at a time."

Danny came back downstairs a few minutes later, dressed in white shorts and a black shirt with green sleeves. At four years old, his sense of color coordination was impressive. But it was his shoes that made Ellen do a double-take. The laces of his green Converse sneakers were perfectly tied.

Ellen looked over at Rebecca. "When did you teach him to tie his shoes?"

Rebecca blinked. "I didn't. He's been doing that for a couple of days. I thought _you_ had taught him."

"Danny, how'd you learn to tie your shoes?" Ellen asked the boy.

"The man in the movie did it." Danny said with a shrug.

Ellen thought back two days. "The movie we watched on Friday?" Now that she thought about it, she remembered a scene where one of the characters had stopped to tie his shoe.

Danny nodded, and Ellen exchanged a surprised glance with Rebecca. Danny's intelligence was manifesting itself in new ways every day. Sure, he had an excellent vocabulary, and his drawings that hung on the refrigerator were a notch above the average preschooler, but Ellen was beginning to wonder if there was more to Danny than that. If he could learn to tie his shoes just by seeing it done in a movie, what else was this little boy capable of?

The thought stayed on her mind during the ten minute drive to the dollar store. In the back seat, Danny sang along to the radio, and Ellen couldn't help noticing that he was doing a pretty good job staying on key.

_Hmm, we can add singing to the list of his talents, _she thought as she pulled into the parking lot. _I'll have to see what I can do to foster that talent._

"Danny," Ellen held the boy's hand as they walked in. "Do you remember which aisle the party decorations are on?"

Danny looked around, biting his lip in concentration. Ellen had started doing this whenever they went somewhere, asking him to find a particular section of a store. It was a good way to develop his memory and sense of direction. He was getting good at it.

"I think it's over there," Danny pointed to their left. "It's next to the toy aisle, if I remember right."

"Lead the way." Ellen let go of his hand and walked a few steps behind him as he navigated the aisles. In a few seconds, they were standing in front of shelves stocked with party favors.

"Nice job, buddy." Ellen smiled at him. "Okay, what color party hats should we get? Red? Blue? Green? What do you think?"

Danny wasn't listening. He was staring, transfixed, at a plastic gold crown with the words BIRTHDAY BOY emblazoned on the front. It hung near the top of the shelf, well out of his reach.

Ellen followed his gaze to the gleaming treasure. "Ooh, that's nice."

"Can I get it? Please?" Danny turned imploring blue eyes toward her and gave her his best smile.

"Hmmm..." Ellen pretended to consider it for a few seconds, watching with amusement as Danny shifted from one foot to the other impatiently. Of course she was going to say yes, but it was fun to mess with him sometimes. "All right."

"YES! Thank you, thank you, thank you!" Danny leaped into the air and bounced excitedly as Ellen reached up and took the crown off the metal rack. It was obvious that Danny wasn't really interested in helping pick out the other party hats, so Ellen chose a multicolored package, as well as a bag of noisemakers, and they headed for the checkout.

They exited the store a few minutes later, and Danny tugged on Ellen's sleeve. "Can I wear the crown?"

"Don't you want to wait until the party?" Ellen asked him.

Danny shook his head. "I wanna wear it now."

"Okay," Ellen took it out of the plastic bag, pulled off the tag, and started to hand the crown to him. Then she stopped. "Wait a minute. If you're gonna wear a crown, you should have a proper coronation."

"What's a...cor-uh-nay-shun?" Danny sounded out the unfamiliar word carefully.

Ellen crouched down, balancing on her heels so she was at eye level with him. "It's a special ceremony," she explained. "When a young prince becomes a king, he has a coronation. He sits on a throne, and they tap him on both shoulders with a gold staff called a scepter. And then they put the crown on his head while trumpets play all around him."

Ellen stood up and glanced at the store front. Signs on the windows advertised the new summer items, which were set up just outside the double doors.

"Look over there, Danny," she said. "Do you see anything we can use for your coronation?"

Ellen already knew exactly what they could use, but she liked finding opportunities to teach Danny how to be observant.

"We can use those for the throne." Danny pointed to the two stacks of plastic chairs to the left of the entrance.

"Good idea." Ellen agreed. "C'mere." She picked him up and started to set him on the stack of white chairs, but he shook his head.

"I wanna sit on the blue ones," he said.

"Are you sure?" Ellen asked him. "The white ones are higher up."

"Yeah, but blue is a better color for a king." Danny replied. "Y'know, _royal _blue."

"Good point," Ellen agreed. She set him on the blue chairs. "Okay, now do you see anything we could use as a scepter?"

"How 'bout one of those?" Danny pointed to a box of foam pool noodles.

"Perfect," Ellen reached for a green one.

"Let's use a yellow one instead," Danny suggested. "Cuz yellow is close to gold."

"Very smart," Ellen said. She pulled a yellow pool noodle from the box and walked back over to the makeshift throne.

"There's one last thing we need," she told him. "Trumpets."

"You can use one of the noisemakers." Danny said.

Ellen pulled out the bag of noisemakers and tore it open. She took out a red one and held it between her teeth as she set the bag down on the ground.

"All right," She stood up straight, crown in one hand and pool noodle in the other. "Let's do this."

Danny giggled and squirmed on his "throne" in anticipation.

"Lords and Ladies," Ellen gestured to an imaginary crowd. "We are gathered here today to celebrate the coronation of Prince Daniel. He is turning four years old today, which means it's time for him to become king. Now, Prince Daniel?"

He grinned. "Yes?"

She held up the crown. "Do you promise to carry out the duties and responsibilities of your new kingdom, and to be the _best _four-year-old that you can be?"

"I promise," Danny said, placing his hand over his heart. Nearby, a woman exiting the store paused for a moment to watch the spontaneous ceremony.

"Then by the power vested in me," Ellen placed the crown on Danny's head and touched both of his shoulders with the pool noodle. "I dub you _King _Daniel, Birthday Boy Extraordinaire."

Danny stood up and took bows to his pretend audience while Ellen blew the noisemaker. Then she motioned for him to jump off the stack of chairs. He leaped out and she caught him in her arms, twirling him around as they both laughed.

"Okay," Still laughing, Ellen set him down, picked up the pool noodle from the ground, and put it back in the box. Then she retrieved the bag of party hats and noisemakers, and they headed for the car. "Let's go home and you can show your mom your crown."

Danny ran ahead and got in the back seat.

"You mean he's not your son?" The woman who had been watching them approached Ellen, a look of surprise on her face.

Ellen shook her head. "He's my best friends' son. I spend a lot of time with the family...I live next door to them...so he's...he's like a son to me."

"You don't have any kids of your own?" The woman asked.

Ellen shook her head again. "I'd like to someday. I love spending time with Danny."

"You're so good with him." The other woman said. "That little ceremony back there was adorable. I've never thought to do anything like that with _my_ kids. Now I'm thinking I should. My youngest especially would love it. Robbie's about to turn four."

"Has he started preschool yet?" Ellen asked, wondering if the boy in question might be one of Danny's classmates.

"He'll start in the fall." The woman said. "At Jumpstarters. Mrs. Nolan's class." Jumpstarters was the name of the preschool program at the local public school. It was open to children as young as three, and Danny had been attending since the previous fall.

"No kidding." Ellen said. "That's the class Danny's gonna be in."

"Really?" The other woman raised her eyebrows. "We'll have to see if we can set up a play date for him and Robbie sometime soon. I mean if Danny's mom would be okay with it."

"Oh yeah, she would." Ellen assured her. Actually the information probably wouldn't even register on Rebecca's radar. Not with the way she'd been spacing out lately. Ellen had been the one to organize most of Danny's play dates over the past few months anyway.

"I'm Brandi, by the way." The woman extended her hand.

"Ellen." She shook the offered hand. "Nice to meet you."

Brandi dug a piece of paper and a pen out of her purse. "Here's my number. Call me sometime and we'll see what we can set up."

"All right," Ellen took the slip of paper and opened the car door.

"It was very nice to meet you, Ellen." Brandi said as she headed for her own vehicle. "I look forward to introducing Robbie to Danny." She called across the parking lot.

Ellen smiled and waved at her, then got in the car and started up the engine.

"What were you talking about?" Danny asked from the back seat, straining to see himself in the rearview mirror. He adjusted his crown and grinned at his reflection.

"Oh, she has a boy about your age." Ellen told him, catching his eye in the mirror. "His name's Robbie, and he's gonna be in your class in the fall. We're gonna see if you can meet him sometime before then."

"Okay," Danny said. "Why did she stop to talk to you in the first place?"

"She liked the coronation that we did." Ellen put the car in drive and gestured out the front windshield to the stack of chairs as she pulled out of the parking space. "She said she's never thought to do something like that with her kids, and now she wants to."

"It was fun," Danny agreed. "By the way, that got me thinkin' about something."

"What's that?" Ellen asked.

"Well, I'm four now," Danny reasoned, "and I went from prince to king. But there's nothing higher than a king. So what are we gonna do when I turn five?"

Ellen burst out laughing. "We have a whole year to figure something out."

* * *

When they got back, Ellen was pleasantly surprised to see that Rebecca had gotten almost everything set up already. The front yard of the Brooks' home was decorated with balloons and streamers and small plastic tables and chairs loaned to them by a local church Ellen had recently started attending. Off to one side, two long white tables were set up—one for the cake, and one for presents.

Danny got out of the car and ran across the yard. "Mom! Look at my crown!"

Rebecca looked up from the balloon she was tying to the porch railing. "_Wow_, that's awesome. Did you remember to thank Ellen for buying it for you?"

Danny nodded.

"Yes, he did," Ellen said, walking up to join them. "Several times."

"And we had a coronation." Danny informed his mother.

Rebecca cast an inquisitive glance at Ellen, who laughed. "Long story."

"I bet," Rebecca looked amused.

Danny headed for the front door. "I'm gonna go look at my crown in the mirror."

The door swung shut behind him, and Ellen turned to Rebecca. "I have to say, I'm impressed. You got all this set up in the..." she checked her watch. "...thirty minutes that we were gone."

Rebecca shrugged. "What you said earlier, it really motivated me, y'know? I mean, you're right. We've gotta make this day special for Danny. He comes first. Always."

Ellen smiled. _This is progress._

She spent a few minutes helping Rebecca set up the last of the party decorations, then they went inside.

"I just realized Danny hasn't had breakfast yet. It's almost nine." Rebecca said, glancing at the clock on the wall. "Usually he asks for something as soon as he comes downstairs in the morning."

"I think he was too excited to think about it today." Ellen laughed. "I'll go ask him what he wants."

She headed upstairs, following the sound of Danny's voice, and found him in his room. He was standing on his bed, still wearing his crown and holding a baton in his hand, giving a speech to all of his stuffed animals and action figures, which he had lined up in rows on the floor.

"Permission to enter the royal chamber?" Ellen asked with a grin.

Danny looked up at the doorway. "Look, Ellen! I have a whole kingdom now!"

"I see that." Ellen said. "Hey, you hungry?"

"Huh," Danny cocked his head to one side. "I was so excited, I didn't even think about breakfast."

They went downstairs and Danny ate a bowl of cereal, then went back up to his room to continue building his kingdom. Ellen alternated between playing with him and making the final preparations for the party, which would start at one.

Everything was ready by the time one o'clock rolled around and the guests began to arrive. Most of the kids there were Danny's classmates or other kids from the neighborhood.

Danny took great pride in showing everyone his crown. Ellen suspected he might have been more excited about that than he was about the growing pile of presents or the cake. The boy had an inexplicable fascination with hats.

It was such a perfect day to have a party outdoors, Ellen thought. The weather was cool, there was a light breeze, and the sky was almost completely clear, save for a few stray clouds.

One particular cloud caught her eye; it was almost perfectly rectangular in shape, with four white wisps sticking up on top. She turned to look for Danny. He was pedaling his new tricycle in circles on the driveway, gripping the handlebar with one hand and the string of a balloon with the other.

"Danny," she called to him. "C'mere."

He got off his trike and ran across the yard, balloon trailing behind him. Ellen knelt beside him and put an arm around his shoulders.

"Look at that cloud," she pointed to it. "It's shaped like a birthday cake."

Danny's eyes got very wide, and he took off running toward the porch, where Rebecca was talking to some of the other adults.

"Mom! Mom!" Danny grabbed her hand. "Come see this!"

Rebecca allowed him to lead her out into the yard. "What is it, Danny?"

"Look!" He pointed to the cloud Ellen had shown him. "That cloud looks like a birthday cake. It even has four candles!"

"Wow," Rebecca said. "You're right. How neat is that?"

Danny turned to her, his eyes bright with excitement. "Dad's telling me happy birthday from Heaven!"

Ellen's jaw dropped and she stared at the little boy in astonishment. Beside her, Rebecca recoiled, visibly taken aback by the startling statement.

Danny looked back and forth between them and tipped his head to one side. "Don't you think so?"

"Yeah," Ellen faltered. "Of course, that's...that's probably exactly right."

Danny looked to his mom for her confirmation. Rebecca was still speechless, and her eyes had begun to take on that faraway look that Ellen was becoming far too accustomed to seeing, but she managed to nod.

Danny's grin widened, and he returned his gaze to the cloud. Then he held up his balloon and let it go. "That's for dad," he explained. "It's gonna fly up into heaven and he'll get it."

The balloon floated higher and higher up into the sky and disappeared into the cake-shaped cloud. Danny beamed. Beside him, Rebecca was a million miles away.

Ellen winced. _Aaannd so much for progress._


	3. Five - I Can't See Him

"Mom," Danny stood beside the chair and tapped his mother on the arm. "Tell me something about dad."

Rebecca looked up from her book. "What do you want to know?"

Danny shrugged. "I don't know. Something you haven't told me before."

Rebecca set aside the book and lifted Danny into her lap, the corner of her mouth turning up as she considered. "Oh! I know. You've got his coloring. Do you know that?"

"Like my hair?" Danny asked.

"Yeah," Rebecca said, smiling wistfully. "You've got the same brown hair he had, the same smile, and your eyes...oh, Danny. _He _is the blue in your eyes."

"Really?" Danny gasped and squirmed to get down. He made for the stairs, yelling over his shoulder, "I'm gonna go see!"

Rebecca watched her son as he ran upstairs. It was good, she mused, that he didn't know the truth about James. No matter what Ellen said, it was better for Danny to believe his father was a hero.

There was a tap on the front door, and Ellen walked in, holding two VHS tapes. "Hey, Becca."

_Speaking of... _Rebecca thought. "Hey. How'd your date go?"

Ellen grimaced.

"Not so great?" Rebecca ventured. "I guess not, or else you wouldn't have been back until tomorrow."

"Guy was a jerk." Ellen muttered, setting the tapes on the coffee table. She brightened. "Well, I wasn't really expecting it to go anywhere. I wasn't that into him."

Rebecca didn't ask for details, and Ellen didn't offer them. She wasn't about to explain the real reason the date had gone downhill.

"Hey," Rebecca said. "I'm kinda tired, and I've got some stuff I still need to do. Will you give Danny his bath tonight?"

"Sure," Ellen nodded. "He upstairs?"

"Yeah."

Ellen went upstairs and started down the hall, heading for Danny's room. She stopped when she passed by the bathroom and saw him standing on the plastic stool in front of the sink. He was leaning forward as much as he could, his face inches away from the mirror, his eyes wide.

"Whatcha doin', Danny?" she asked him.

Danny started and stood up straight. "Oh! Hi, Ellen. Mom said dad is the blue in my eyes. I've been looking _real_ hard, but I can't see him. Why can't I see him?"

"Maybe you're trying _too _hard." Ellen suggested.

Danny pondered that for a moment, then shook his head and looked back at the mirror.

"Hey, c'mon," Ellen tapped his shoulder. "It's time for your bath."

He frowned. "That means it's almost bedtime. I don't wanna go to bed yet."

"Danny," Ellen raised her eyebrows. "Have you forgotten what day it is?"

"Is it Friday?" he asked.

She nodded. "Yep."

Danny's face lit up, and he jumped off the stool and hurriedly got undressed.

"Thought that might motivate you." Ellen said with a grin.

Most nights, Danny had to go to bed right after his bath, but on Fridays he got to stay up late and watch a movie with his mom and Ellen. It was one of his favorite traditions.

While Ellen ran the bath water, Danny put his clothes in the laundry basket, then climbed up onto the stool again and stared intently at the mirror.

Ellen looked over her shoulder. "Still looking for your dad?"

"Yeah," Danny said. "I still can't see him."

Ellen stood up and joined him in front of the mirror. "You're trying too hard." She repeated. "C'mon, into the tub." She lifted him off the stool and set him down in the warm bath water.

Danny splashed around and played with his toy boats while Ellen lathered shampoo in his hair.

"Do you know when I see your dad in you?" she asked him.

He looked up at her eagerly. "When?"

Ellen rinsed the shampoo from Danny's hair and pushed the wet strands out of his eyes. "I see him when you stop to help someone at the store, because he was kind. I see him when you give up your turn on the swing at the park so someone else can have it, because he was always considerate. And I see him when you play with the neighbors' puppy, because your dad liked dogs. When you smile, when you laugh, when you talk nonstop about a _great _idea you just had...I see your dad in so many things you do, Danny."

Danny grinned from ear to ear. "I can't wait until I grow up so I can be just like him."

Ellen forced herself to keep her smile intact. _Oh I hate this part of the conversation._

She always had to tread carefully when Danny said something like that. Ellen hated having to lie to him, so she avoided it as much as possible. Her responses were always carefully thought-out, worded in such a way so that they were encouraging without being flat-out lies. They had these conversations pretty frequently, so she was getting used to finding the just-right thing to say.

"You know what?" she tapped his nose. "You are going to grow up to be a very good man, just like your father was."

_...Before he went down for murder because of whatever the hell it was he got himself caught up in._

Ellen checked herself. _Do NOT go there._

Danny seemed content with Ellen's assessment, thankfully unaware of the inner monologue that went with it. He finished his bath without asking any more questions about his dad, instead describing the art project his kindergarten class was working on.

"I wanted to make a dinosaur," Danny explained. "But Ms. Rickman said it would be too hard. It _wouldn't_ be hard. I know _exactly _how we could do it..." here he launched into a detailed description of his idea for a paper mâché stegosaurus. Ellen listened, impressed with the five-year-old's creativity. But she had to agree with Danny's teacher that the project would be a little too complicated for kindergartners.

"That sounds pretty tricky," she said when Danny stopped for breath.

He shrugged. "It would be easy."

"Maybe for you," Ellen pointed out, pulling the stopper to drain the tub. "But art comes naturally to you. It might not be that easy for the other kids in your class."

"I guess," Danny conceded. He stepped out of the tub and got his favorite towel off the shelf. "What movie are we gonna watch?"

"I stopped by the video rental store on the way home tonight," Ellen said as she dried him off. "I got Star Wars and Superman. You can choose which one we watch."

"On the way home from where?" Danny asked. "Oh yeah, you went on a date!" he grinned. "Did you _kiss _him?"

"_Noo,_" Ellen ruffled his hair. "He took me to dinner, and we talked about things."

"What things?" Danny wanted to know.

"Boring grown-up things."

"Mom said you might get back really late, after I already went to bed." Danny told her. "That's why I forgot it was Friday. Cuz you wouldn't miss movie night."

"That's right, I wouldn't." Ellen smiled at him and put his towel back on the shelf. "All right, go get your PJ's on. I'll go make the popcorn."

Danny went to his room to put on his pajamas, and Ellen headed downstairs to the kitchen, a grimace on her face.

It was true that she never missed their movie nights. Friday night movies were a tradition Ellen had instigated shortly after they moved here two years ago. She had thought that a routine, something fun to look forward to at the end of each week, would be a good way to help Danny adjust to their new life here. She was right. Friday had become his favorite night of the week, and hers too.

So when Greg had invited her back to his place after dinner earlier tonight, Ellen had declined. When asked why, she explained that she had a previous commitment.

"Movie night with the neighbor and her kid?" Greg had been incredulous when she told him.

"Danny loves it," she had explained. "I'd hate to disappoint him."

But Greg couldn't understand why it was so important. Why invest so much time in someone who wasn't even her kid, he had asked. Ellen had no intention of going into the details of their unusual situation on the first date, with a guy she barely knew. Instead, she politely told him that she would rather not go out with him again, and left the restaurant.

Now she chided herself for her handling of the whole thing. _Why did I even agree to go out with him on a Friday in the first place? I should have told him Saturday would be better._

She snorted. _On the other hand, I would have eventually figured out what a jerk Greg is. Going out with him tonight just helped me see it sooner._

On the job, as a cop back in D.C., Ellen had always had such great instincts about people. So why was it that in her personal life she only ever seemed to date losers? It didn't make sense.

She pushed the thought aside for now and focused on the task at hand. Downstairs, she found Rebecca drying and putting away the last of the clean dishes.

"Will you leave that one out?" Ellen gestured to the large plastic bowl in her friend's hands. "Popcorn."

"Oh, right." Rebecca handed her the bowl. "Movie night."

_So, "the blue in his eyes," huh? _Ellen wanted to say, but she wisely chose to keep her mouth shut. One thing she had learned in the last two years was that it was never a good idea to initiate conversations about James, only diffuse the ones Rebecca started.

Ellen made the popcorn, and went into the living room just as Danny came downstairs, wearing his favorite blue and green rocket-ship pajamas.

"So what's it gonna be, buddy?" Ellen asked him. "Star Wars or Superman?"

Danny picked up both tapes and looked back and forth between them. "Star Wars," he said at last, inserting the chosen cassette into the VCR and turning on the TV.

Ellen picked up the remote off the coffee table and sat on the couch. Danny climbed onto the green cushions and cuddled up next to her. She held the popcorn bowl with one hand and wrapped her free arm around him.

"Becca, you coming?" Ellen asked, thumb poised above the play button.

"Yeah," Danny's mother walked out of the kitchen and sat down in the chair next to the couch, and Ellen could tell by her friend's eyes that Rebecca was only half there.

_Typical._

Ellen clamped down on her annoyance and pressed play. The movie began, stirring music blending seamlessly with the famous yellow words crawling up the screen. Danny watched, entranced, as the Star Destroyer fired on the Rebel ship. Within minutes he was completely absorbed in the movie, and Ellen allowed herself to relax enough to join him in that galaxy far, far away.

* * *

When she opened her eyes, the room was dark. Ellen raised her head up and looked around, blinking away the bleary disorientation fogging her mind. The TV screen was glowing blue, like it always did when a tape had stopped. She must've drifted off before the movie ended.

She started to sit up and felt a weight against her chest. Danny was asleep in her arms, a smile on his face. No doubt he was dreaming about piloting X-Wings and having lightsaber duels.

A glance to the right revealed an empty chair; Rebecca had apparently turned off the lights and gone to bed some time ago. Ellen's irritation from earlier returned in full force.

_She didn't wake me, didn't even bother to put Danny to bed..._

With a scowl, Ellen stood up, Danny in her arms. The clock on the wall read one o'clock, illuminated by the blue glow from the TV.

Ellen turned off the TV and carried Danny upstairs, her aggravation growing with every step. Rebecca was getting more and more spaced out every day. Some days she barely said a word to either of them. She was constantly distracted, lost in another world, and Ellen was slowly losing the ability to snap her out of it.

When she reached Danny's room, Ellen put him in his bed. "Geez Becca, what's _wrong _with you?" she muttered as she tucked Danny in. "Too spaced out to do something as simple as putting your son to bed...of all the...pathetic...ugh..." she capped off her rant with an exasperated snort.

Danny stirred and blinked his eyes open. "Ellen?" he mumbled, still half asleep. "What is it? Is something wrong?"

"No," Ellen whispered gently. "No, nothing's wrong, sweetheart." She crouched beside the bed and stroked his hair. "I was just talking to myself. I'm sorry I woke you. Go back to sleep."

"Will you sing me the cloud song?" he murmured, nestling himself into the pillows.

Ellen gave a tired sigh. "It's late, Danny."

"Please?"

"All right," Ellen relented. The "cloud song" was a piece from an old musical that she liked. On nights when she put Danny to bed, she would sing a few lines of it for him.

"_There is a castle on a cloud_," she sang softly. "_I like to go there in my sleep. Nobody shouts or talks too loud, not in my castle on a cloud._"

With a content smile, Danny closed his eyes and went back to sleep. Standing up, Ellen kissed the top of his head and slipped out of the room.

She headed back downstairs, troubling thoughts brewing in her mind.

On the surface, Ellen seemed to have everything under control. But the truth was, she had her own emotional problems. Between looking after Danny and trying to keep Rebecca from going completely over the edge, she had a lot to deal with. Most days were fine. But some days, like today, Ellen had to fight hard to keep her feelings in check.

Kathryn Hill had been a good cop. An excellent cop, actually. She joined the police academy in D.C. when she was eighteen and finished top of her class. After that she had worked patrol for nearly six years, then made detective shortly after her twenty-fourth birthday. It was impressive—more than that, it was unheard of. She was the youngest person in their department to ever make detective, and she was one of the best.

James Bennett was also one of the best, and that was why the chief made him Kathryn's partner. On the job, they were unstoppable, a force to be reckoned with. Off the job, Kathryn had found herself very quickly accepted by James' family. She formed an instant connection with his wife Anna, was adored by their toddler son Neal, and had an excellent rapport with James himself. Everything seemed perfect then.

And then suddenly it all came crashing down. James was arrested for a murder he insisted he didn't commit, he later confessed to it, and then he testified against the Flynn organization, forcing himself and his family into WitSec in the process.

Kathryn was never able to find out exactly how James got tangled up in all of that. What she did know was that the dirt he had on the Flynns was not amassed through any sanctioned undercover job. That could only mean one of two things—either he had decided to do freelance undercover work, or he had done something that made him owe the Flynns some favors. Either way, the mess James had landed in was his own fault, as was everything that happened to his family as a result.

Ellen was jolted back to the present, alarmed by the amount of sheer resentment she felt towards her former partner.

She sat on the couch in the darkened living room and took a deep breath. Anger coursed through her. Anger at James for his betrayal, at Rebecca for her inability to cope, at herself for agreeing to lie to Danny...

_I can't do this, _she thought with growing panic. _I can't dwell on this. I've seen where that leads. I've seen what it's done to Rebecca._

She shook her head and rubbed her temples tiredly. _I need to go home and go to bed._

But she couldn't. Not yet. There was too much turmoil inside her. Left unchecked, it would only build up and get worse.

Leaning forward, she propped her elbows on her knees and stared straight ahead into the darkness, her jaw set. She wasn't going anywhere until she worked through this and got it sorted out.

It was three o'clock in the morning before Ellen finally went home.


	4. Six - Why is It Underlined?

It was days like this that Ellen wondered why the Marshals had placed them in separate houses in the first place.

Honestly, she practically lived at the Brooks' house anyway. She spent most of her free time here, when she wasn't at work or trying to maintain some semblance of a social life.

On weekdays, Ellen left for work before the sun was up and got off around two. Danny got out of school at two-thirty, so Ellen usually drove him home and watched him until Rebecca got off work at six. Most nights she hung around for a while even after Rebecca got home. Half the time Ellen ended up being the one to give Danny his bath and put him to bed. She was used to it by this point.

Today she came straight to the Brooks' house after work. Danny's first grade class was taking a field trip to the museum this afternoon, and since Brandi worked in the building across the street from the museum, she had offered to drive him home afterward.

From the kitchen, Ellen heard the front door open and the sound of two high voices talking excitedly. The other voice belonged to Danny's friend Robbie, who sometimes came over to play with him after school.

"Hi boys," Ellen said as they came into the kitchen. "Did you have fun at school?"

"I was late again." Danny said matter-of-factly.

Ellen sighed. "I'm sorry. I'd take you myself if I didn't have to leave for work so early."

"My mom could drive him." Robbie volunteered.

Ellen shook her head. "She'd have to go almost five miles out of her way every morning to come by here. That reminds me, Danny, did you thank Ms. Brandi for driving you home today?"

Danny nodded and hopped up on one of the bar stools. Robbie sat beside him on the other one.

"What'd you guys do at school today?" Ellen asked, getting two small glasses out of the cabinet.

"We played dodgeball." Robbie said. "I was the first one out." He lifted up his shirt, revealing a bright red checkered imprint on his stomach.

"Ouch," Ellen winced. "That looks like it hurt."

"But he didn't cry or anything," Danny said, sounding impressed. "He just went and sat by the wall for a few minutes, and then when he felt better, he stood up and cheered for the rest of us."

"We played three dodgeball games, and Danny won two of them." Robbie added.

"Really?" Ellen raised her eyebrows as she poured milk into the two glasses. "How 'bout that? Danny Brooks, dodgeball champion."

"It's 'cuz I'm fast." Danny said.

"Well," Ellen smiled and handed them the glasses of milk. "I'd say your victory deserves a reward." She took two apples out of the fridge and gave one to each boy.

Robbie looked at his fruit quizzically. "What's mine a reward for? I didn't win."

"But it sounds like you were a good sport about losing." Ellen told him.

"He was," Danny agreed as he took a bite of his own apple. "Do you think bein' good at dodging stuff will help me when I'm a cop?"

Ellen smiled wryly. "Well, dodging bullets is a pretty vital skill."

"Yeah, and bullets are _way_ smaller than dodgeballs." Robbie put in.

"They're also way faster." Ellen pointed out.

"Yeah!" Danny exclaimed. "Bullets are so fast that you can see the hole they make before you even hear the bang. It's called the sound...something. We learned about it in science today."

"The sound barrier." Ellen supplied.

"Yeah, that's it." Danny said through a mouthful of apple. He swallowed and took a few gulps of his milk before continuing. "Mr. Bridges said a bullet goes faster than sound, so it already made a hole before the bang sound gets from the gun to your ears."

"That's right," Ellen nodded. "What else did you learn today?"

"Um..." Danny thought for a minute. "In social studies we learned about ID. Like drivers' licenses and stuff. I asked if that's how cops can find bad guys and Mr. Bridges said sometimes."

"When you were a cop, did you ever find bad guys because of ID?" Robbie asked Ellen.

"Yeah, I did." Ellen said.

"But sometimes bad guys make their own ID that's not real, but they try to make it look real." Danny told Robbie. "They put fake names and stuff on it so the police can't find them. They don't tell us about that in school, but Ellen said bad guys do it all the time."

"Wow," Robbie said. "Does it work?"

"Only if the fake ID is really, _really _good." Danny said. "But good cops know how to tell if an ID is fake or not. Ellen's been teaching me how to spot forgeries."

"What's a forgery?" Robbie wanted to know.

"It's fake stuff." Danny said simply.

Robbie still looked confused, so Ellen elaborated. "A forgery is anything that's made to look like the real thing. It can be an ID, a painting, a statue, anything like that. Sometimes people will forge a painting and then say that it's the real one so they can sell it for a lot of money."

Robbie considered for a moment, then turned to Danny. "Like when you drew a hall pass yesterday and made it look like it was from the teacher? Was that a forgery?"

Danny sunk down on his stool as he felt Ellen's piercing gaze turn on him. "What's that about a hall pass, Danny?"

He flicked his gaze around the room as he searched for a distraction, and his eyes lit up when he spotted the set of alphabet magnets on the refrigerator.

"We also learned about anagrams today!" He said quickly, jumping down from the stool and going over to the fridge. "It's where you take the letters in a word and mix them around to make other words."

"Uh-huh," Ellen would not be deterred. "Danny, where's the hall pass you forged?"

"I have three hall passes in my backpack." Danny turned to face her. "Can we make a deal?"

Ellen eyed him skeptically. Every time Danny uttered those words, it usually meant he was about to try to talk his way out of trouble. "What kind of deal?"

"If you can't figure out which one is the fake," he said with a grin. "Then I get to keep it."

_Oh, this kid's good. _Ellen thought. She narrowed her eyes for a moment, considering.

"All right. You've got yourself a deal." She was convinced that half the time, the only reason she acquiesced was because she was impressed with his cleverness.

Ellen went upstairs to get his backpack, and Danny turned back to the magnets. Robbie came over and joined him in front of the fridge.

"Which one _is _the fake?" he asked.

Danny cast a furtive glance around to make sure Ellen was out of earshot, then he cupped his hand to his mouth and whispered in Robbie's ear. "They're _all _fake."

Robbie erupted into a fit of giggles, and Danny quickly shushed him. "Shhh! You have to promise not to tell!"

"I promise," Robbie said as his laughter subsided. "Are you gonna make anagrams with these?" he gestured to the magnets.

"Yeah," Danny found the letter D and moved it down below the rest of the magnets, muttering to himself as he looked for the other letters in his name. "Here's A...here's N, and I, and E...and...where's the L? Oh, there it is."

"There," he took a step back and stared at it for a moment. "Now, what other words can I make with these letters? Ooh! I know!"

He stepped forward again and rearranged the letters, creating the words LEAD IN. Then he switched the L and the D.

"Deal in?" Robbie read the new phrase. "What's that mean?"

"Like in poker." Danny said. "Do you know what poker is?"

Robbie shrugged. "I know that every time my uncle says he's gonna go play it, my aunt gets mad and yells at him."

"It's a card game," Danny said before turning his attention back to the letters. "Now what else can I make?"

Ellen came back into the kitchen holding three pieces of paper. "You're good, Danny, I'll give you that," she admitted. "These all look exactly the same."

Danny exchanged a secretive grin with Robbie before turning to face Ellen, but his smile faded when he saw the mischievous glint in her eyes.

"However..." she went on. "They _do _look a little bit different from _this_ one." Ellen held up a fourth, crumpled pass that Danny had forgotten he still had. "All _three _of these are fake, Danny."

"Sooo...can I keep them?" he ventured.

"That wasn't the deal," Ellen told him.

"The deal was that you had to figure out which _one _was the fake." Danny argued. "There wasn't one fake, there was _three_. So that means I should get to keep them all."

"Nice try." Ellen tore up the forged passes and dropped the shreds into the trash can.

"It was some of my best work." Danny said with a melodramatic sigh.

"Don't get any ideas about getting into the fake ID business." Ellen told him, admiration for his skills bleeding into her tone despite her attempt to sound stern.

"ID..." Danny looked back at the magnets. "Hey, I just thought of another one!"

He scrambled up the letters and separated the I and the D from the others. "I need two little circles," he said, glancing up at the other magnets on the fridge. He spotted two small silver circles holding up one of his drawings and slid them over to the assortment of letters, allowing the drawing to fall unheeded to the floor. Ellen picked it up and set it on the counter as Danny arranged the magnets, using the two circles to make a colon.

"There," he backed up so they could see what he had done.

ID: NEAL

Ellen tried to keep her surprise from registering on her face. Danny's real name was literally right in front of him, and he had no idea.

"That's not how you spell it." Robbie's protest interrupted Ellen's thoughts.

"What do you mean?" Danny asked him.

"That's not how you spell that name." Robbie said. "It's spelled N-E-_I-_L. I know 'cuz my dad has a friend named Neil and his name is spelled with an I, not an A."

"It can be spelled either way," Danny said.

"No, that's wrong." Robbie insisted.

"No it's not!" Danny sounded frustrated. "I've seen it spelled like that in books before."

"I never have." Robbie was adamant.

Two pairs of eyes turned to look at Ellen and two voices simultaneously said, "Tell him!"

"Danny's right." Ellen said. "It can be spelled either way." She gestured to the magnets. "That spelling is just less common."

Robbie looked skeptical. No six-year-old liked losing an argument. "Are you sure?"

"Look, I'll show you." Ellen went into the living room and pulled a book off the shelf. "This is a book of name meanings. It also includes a lot of spelling variations of the names."

She sat down at the table and opened the book. Danny and Robbie stood on either side of her and peered over her shoulders as she flipped to the N section and ran her finger down the page.

"Here we go," she said after a few seconds. "Neil. There, see? It says it can also be spelled N-E-A-L."

"Oh," Robbie looked embarrassed for a moment. "Sorry I didn't believe you Danny."

"It's okay," Danny said absently. There was something about the name on the page that caught his attention. "Why is it underlined?"

Ellen flinched inwardly. She had seen it as soon as she found the name, and she had hoped it would escape Danny's notice. This must've been the book James and Anna had originally used to pick a name for their son. The fact that Rebecca still had it was a violation of WitSec rules.

_Damn it, Becca. What part of "nothing from our past" did you not get?_

Ellen knew it was a little hypocritical, considering that the photograph of Neal and his father she had tucked away in the bottom of a box in the attic was also a violation of the rules. But at least she kept that well hidden, not out in plain sight like this book.

She had to think fast. "This was one of the names your parents considered when they were deciding what to call you," she told him.

"Oh, okay," Danny said, and that was that. After a few more minutes experimenting with anagrams, the boys abandoned the magnets and went up to Danny's room to play, and Ellen breathed a sigh of relief, thankful that Danny hadn't asked any more questions.

She remembered that James had once told her the other names they considered, so she got a pencil and flipped through the book, underlining all the ones she could remember. Then she flipped to the D section and circled "Daniel," just in case Danny ever got curious and looked through the book on his own.

Someday Neal would know the truth about his name. But today was not that day.


End file.
